Autumn in Holland

Here in Holland the autumn is in its full letting-go activity. The trees are losing their leaves bit by bit and with no mercy. I go to sleep in the night, wake up in the morning and there are less leaves then yesterday. I can't help it; nature takes it's course. Day after day, week after week, the years are passing by. I find the leaves on the ground. What can I say - they are beautiful with all their reddish, yellowish, brownish colors.

I walk down the streets of our little village. I walk really slow. I try to feel my feet on the ground, and sink into my hips. I do that to feel more grounded and to win the over activity in my brain. As I walk so slow and quite, without any aim or goal, I find myself looking up at the top of trees.

My uncle died few days ago.

Somewhere I have heard that most people who are close to death, especially if they are old or sick, choose to die in the autumn. They will ask themselves weather they should survive another cycle. The winter is the hard one. If you make it through the winter, for sure you'll be able to make it through the spring with all it's aliveness, and the summer with it's joyfulness. But when the autumn comes you know you have to put more effort, more life energy.

He was 85 years old when he died. He lived a full life, with a loving family and a respectful career. I flew to Israel to see him a week before he died. To say goodbye. I took this opportunity as I missed it with both of my parents.

My father died in the spring. That was my first acquaintance with death. I was only 12 years old and my life were shaped from that moment on, as the person whom I loved the most was no longer there. My mom died 24 years later. She was the rock in my life, and I still find it hard not to be able to call her.

I lit a candle for my uncle today. And it still flickers as write these words.

Death is a tricky thing. I woke up grumpy the morning after he died. I felt annoyed. Around lunch time I managed to cry. I felt I cry as I let go a part of me. The generation of my parents is slowly leaving the world and return to the ground. They leave the next generations to take care of things.

The generation of my parents lived during the second world war. Before my uncle died he went back to speak German, which was his mother tongue. I went back to live in Europe after they had to escape from it. I live here with the trust that by living here with my friends, borders of nations and religions are being dissolved.

I enjoy the autumn in Holland. In Israel the turning seasons are rapidly passing by and you can't really dive into them. Before you know it - it's winter, and when the spring comes, it is summer the next day. Here in Holland the autumn is beautiful and nature takes its time in changing. It is not very cold and it's nice and pleasant to walk outside and enjoy.

I wish my uncle will go into the light. Don't look back - just go straight where it's shining and bright. We'll take care of the rest. I promise.